Change

I’m working on myself.

The last 10 years I’ve done myself an injustice. I stopped paying attention to my health. I ate what I wanted. I didn’t work out. But I’m changing.

This last week I started working with a trainer. Because of my new business, I can work with a trainer 3 days a week. I thankful for this opportunity but at the same time, it’s not what I thought it would be.

I knew I would be physically sore. But I didn’t expect the emotional soreness. I’ll explain.

The last time I worked hard and pushed myself to my limit physically, I was playing softball. My dad was alive and his influence was strong in my life. I spent a lot of time with him. He was really supportive of me playing softball and wanted me to be the best. He pushed me to be the best. And I was. But its how he pushed me that affects me today.

Every time I worked out last week, I heard his voice in my head.

“you’re fat.”

“you’re stupid.”

“you wont make anything of yourself.”

And then i’d throw the ball harder. “now try to hurt my hand, ” he’d say. And I would.

He’s been gone for years, yet his words still have an affect. It’s like I’ve been trained that to workout, I need negativity. I’m changing myself. Today I started by saying my words. My voice. My Maker’s voice.

“You are strong. You are capable. You are a daughter of the King and you can do this.”

I’m working on myself. And I’m finding that even when I thought it was gone and I was healed, It comes creeping up. Slowly, but surely, I will get healthy. It’s going to be a long, hard process, but I think that will prayer and a good support of friends and family, I can do it.

But will you do this for me, friends? Will you pray for my heart? Pray for my emotional state. I don’t mind crying, but not while I’m at the gym. I want this so much but I’m scared I’ll quit because it too hard, takes too much out of me and forces me to confront my demons. But I’m giving it everything I have, whatever that may be.

love. -D

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Sad Day

No posts for a while because our camera broke! Sad Day!! Judah will be 16 months in just 3 days and I cant believe how quickly time is passing! He walks, talks, signs, runs, dances, sings…he melts my heart every day! When he sees people (or trees …?) he waves and says hi and blows kisses. he is still very much a mamas boy. Judah hasn’t nursed since May 30th. It was a hard transition but also one I think we were both ready for. I miss it most days, but at the same time, its nice to have my body back to myself. He sleeps 12 hours straight consistently now and usually takes one 2-3 hour nap during the day. ITS HEAVEN, YOU GUYS. Seriously.

At last weigh in, Judah was 25lbs. They didn’t measure him but we know hes tall because hes in 24 month onesies and jammies.

To him, everything is a phone. He loves church and his best friend Sadie. Today he mastered our new favorite game…Pick Up! It’s where we go around the house and put everything away. It’s a very good game 😀

We are so enjoying this stage in his life. Every day brings new joys and struggles. He has become pretty opinionated, saying no or nana when he doesn’t want to do something. Its been strange introducing a bit of discipline but he takes to it fairly well. Usually 😉

His favorite foods are bananas, strawberries, yogurt and milk.

His least favorites foods are everything else. haha Just Kidding. but he is pretty picky.  

Spring has Sprung!

Yesterday felt like the first day of spring. It was sunny and 65, which is probably the most beautiful weather we’ve had in months. We took advantage of the beautiful sunshine and took the kiddos (Judah and Sadie) to the Park by our house. Judah discovered that he LOVES the slide. He actually cried when we had to go home.
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Happy 1st Birthday Judah!

Chocolate cake, friends and family, a little red wagon and a slide. Our big guy had a bunch of fun on his birthday. I haven’t cried because I’ve been preparing myself for the last month and I’m just loving this stage too much to be sad! No walking yet, but he has taken his first steps. Soon 🙂

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Judah’s birthday party was on the 1st, but on his actual birthday he and his friend Sadie went to OMSI!

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11 months!

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Heavy on pictures this month because I’m also cramming the 10 months pictures in. Our little guy is so full of personality. He’s a mover and a shaker and loves his mama more than anything (except maybe the broom). He’s getting closer to walking everyday, but I think we are still a ways away. He thinks he can walk though. The other day, he pulled himself up on the couch, turned around and put one foot out and then face planted. Oops. When we get the camera out or even just try to get him to smile, he will usually just stick his tongue out. He loves sticking his tongue out and loves when other people stick their tongues out. He laughs at his baby friends when they stick their tongues out 🙂 Cant believe the next milestone in his life will be his first birthday. I’ve really been reminiscing over when he was younger and even thinking fondly of when I was pregnant (HA!). He does so much these days, its getting harder and harder to keep track of it all. He’s just too big and old for his own good 😉

10 months!

I am way behind the times on this update. Our wild boy is 10 months old and is quickly approaching his first Christmas!

Here are some of our favorite things that he does:

Gives kisses with a muah noise
Claps his hands and can play along with patty cake
Crawls up, down, around and on top of everything. Everything.
Getting better at gentle touches
“Dancing”
Walks around furniture
Understands and frequently obeys uh oh and no no.

One thing that has been difficult lately is teething. Judah got two teeth when he was 5 months and now he has two more with three more on the way. It’s been pretty painful for him and consequently, for us. We will all be thankful when he gets a break.

He is such a joy in our lives and we are so thankful that he is our son. And we are going to have a blast sharing Christmas with him.

Pictures to come!

November Beach Trip

You know you’re an Oregonian when you go to the beach in November. The best surprise was that it was actually really great weather.
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We had great time with our old college friends. We went from dating in college to married parents together.

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And we had fun just letting our kids play together. We want them to love each other as much as we love each other.

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We love being able to share things we love with Judah…

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..including people. We love you guys!

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